I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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