Someone shit on the floor
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
