I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize