Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
