Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
They have beer where we have blood.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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