she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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