i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
