Duck Duck Cougar?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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