Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
