so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
