Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
