remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize