ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize