nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
