***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
