I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Your penis caused this!
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