dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
