I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
