this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
