The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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