we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
