im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
