Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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