I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
