dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
