It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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