Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
