I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
