i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
