Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
