yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My life is pants optional.
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