then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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