Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
high people should be assigned attendants
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
