I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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