Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
