why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
