She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
