i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
