well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
