The maid of honor just puked.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize