So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
