I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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