so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
