First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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