so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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