Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
