Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
