Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
