when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
