lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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