We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
