I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
