is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
