hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
