Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize