so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
