I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
