youre lurking in front of me
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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