Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize