I will die if light touches me.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
