Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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